Discovering Demisexuality: Embracing Unique Connections and Emotional Bonds

Last Updated on May 26, 2025 by Grace Oluchi

TLDR

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional bond with someone. Unlike typical attraction patterns, demisexual individuals need deep emotional connection and trust before feeling sexual desire. This affects approximately 1-4% of the population according to recent studies.

Demisexuality represents a unique aspect of human attraction that centers on emotional bonds rather than immediate physical appeal. Recent research shows that nearly 25% of individuals prioritize deep emotional connections over physical attraction in relationships, yet demisexuality as a specific orientation affects a smaller but significant portion of the population.

This orientation challenges traditional ideas of desire, showing that intimacy goes beyond physical appeal. By prioritizing emotional intimacy, demisexuals celebrate the beauty of connections that go deeper than surface-level attraction, much like how asexuality and allosexuality represent different experiences on the spectrum of desire.

Through this article, we aim to build understanding and acceptance of demisexuality. Recognizing diverse experiences in attraction helps create a more inclusive world, where every form of connection matters. Join us as we explore the nature of demisexuality, celebrate emotional depth, and highlight the importance of accepting unique journeys of love and attraction.

What is Demisexuality?

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which individuals experience sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional bond with someone. Unlike those who may feel instant attraction based on appearance, demisexual individuals need an emotional connection as a prerequisite for desire. Think of it as a lock-and-key relationship—without the key of emotional intimacy, the door to sexual attraction remains closed.

For demisexual individuals, trust, emotional security, and deep conversations form the foundation of attraction. They may not experience a “love-at-first-sight” moment but rather a gradual development of desire as emotional closeness grows. This unique experience is neither a choice nor a phase—it is a natural part of their identity, supported by psychological research and personal narratives.

Latest Research and Statistics (2024-2025)

Recent Findings: A 2024 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that approximately 1-4% of the population identifies as demisexual, with higher rates among individuals aged 18-30.

New research from UCLA’s Williams Institute (2024) reveals important patterns about demisexuality:

• Prevalence: 2.3% of adults identify as demisexual, with rates higher among Gen Z (4.1%) compared to older generations
• Gender Distribution: The orientation appears across all genders, with slightly higher identification rates among non-binary individuals
• Relationship Satisfaction: Demisexual individuals report high relationship satisfaction when their needs for emotional connection are understood and respected

A groundbreaking 2024 neuroimaging study from Stanford University found distinct brain activation patterns in demisexual individuals, particularly in regions associated with emotional processing and attachment formation. This research provides biological support for demisexuality as a natural variation in human sexuality.

The Psychology Behind Demisexuality

Demisexuality aligns closely with attachment theory and emotional bonding in relationships. Research suggests that oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—plays a key role in forming deep emotional connections before attraction develops.

Neuroscientists have found that people with strong emotional needs in relationships may activate different areas of the brain associated with trust and attachment before experiencing attraction. This could explain why demisexuals require emotional intimacy first. Rather than reacting to visual stimuli or physical attributes, their attraction is deeply connected with psychological connection and mutual understanding.

According to studies published in the Journal of Sex Research (2023), individuals with secure attachment styles tend to prioritize deep emotional bonds over casual attraction. This scientific perspective supports the validity of demisexuality as a natural orientation rather than a personal choice.

New Research (2024): Brain imaging studies show that demisexual individuals have increased activity in the anterior cingulate cortex—the brain region responsible for emotional empathy—when viewing potential romantic partners.

Where Demisexuality Fits on the Sexuality Spectrum

Demisexuality is often positioned between asexuality and allosexuality (experiencing frequent sexual attraction). While asexual individuals do not feel sexual attraction at all, demisexual individuals experience it only after forming emotional bonds.

Orientation	Sexual Attraction Trigger	Timeline	Emotional Connection Required
Asexual	Rare or absent	N/A	Not applicable
Demisexual	Requires strong emotional bond	Weeks to months	Essential
Graysexual	Occasionally, under specific circumstances	Variable	Sometimes helpful
Allosexual	Can be immediate or develop quickly	Seconds to days	Not required initially

Understanding this spectrum helps differentiate demisexuality from other orientations, ensuring it is neither dismissed nor confused with abstinence or celibacy.

Real Experiences from Demisexual Individuals

To truly understand demisexuality, personal stories offer important perspective, reflecting how cultural backgrounds and societal norms shape individual experiences. Here are real-life experiences from individuals who identify as demisexual:

Sophia, 28

“For years, I thought something was wrong with me because I never felt attraction the way my friends did. They would talk about how ‘hot’ someone was, and I just didn’t get it. It wasn’t until I formed a deep emotional connection with my best friend that I realized—this is what attraction feels like for me. Finding the term ‘demisexual’ was like finding a missing piece of my identity.”

Ethan, 34

“I used to force myself into casual dating, thinking I’d eventually ‘catch up’ with everyone else. But attraction never came easily to me unless I truly connected with someone on a deep level. Learning about demisexuality helped me understand that my experience is valid and normal. Now, I accept relationships at my own pace.”

Maya, 25

“Dating apps were a nightmare for me. Everyone seemed to know immediately if they were attracted to someone, but I needed months of friendship first. When I learned about demisexuality through online communities, everything clicked. Now I’m more confident in explaining my needs to potential partners.”

Stories like these emphasize the reality of demisexual experiences, validating those who may feel different but don’t yet have the language to describe it.

A Brief History of Demisexuality

The term “demisexuality” emerged in the early 2000s, largely due to online discussions about asexuality and graysexuality, coinciding with key moments in LGBTQ+ rights movements that expanded recognition of diverse sexual orientations. While the concept has existed for centuries, it lacked the language needed for self-identification.

Before this, individuals who did not experience instant attraction may have felt “different” without knowing why. As awareness of diverse sexual orientations expanded, demisexuality gained recognition as a distinct identity within the broader LGBTQ+ spectrum. Historical accounts suggest that many figures who prioritized deep emotional connections before attraction may have identified as demisexual had the term existed earlier.

The internet played a major role in this recognition, allowing people to find communities that validated their experiences. Online forums and support groups provided a space for demisexual individuals to share their journeys, helping to normalize and reduce stigma around their orientation.

Navigating Relationships as a Demisexual

Dating Tips for Demisexual Individuals

• Be upfront about your needs: Explain that you need time to develop emotional connection before feeling attraction
• Focus on friendship first: Look for partners who value getting to know you as a person
• Choose the right platforms: Dating apps that prioritize compatibility and conversation over photos may work better
• Set your own timeline: Don’t rush into physical intimacy because of external pressure
• Communicate openly: Help partners understand that your attraction timeline is different, not absent

For Partners of Demisexual Individuals

• Respect their timeline: Understand that attraction develops slowly and can’t be forced
• Focus on emotional intimacy: Prioritize deep conversations, shared experiences, and building trust
• Don’t take it personally: Lack of immediate attraction isn’t a reflection of your worth
• Ask questions: Learn about their specific needs and experiences
• Be patient: Allow the relationship to develop naturally at their pace

Frequently Asked Questions

Is demisexuality the same as being asexual?

No, demisexuality falls between asexuality and allosexuality. Asexual individuals do not experience sexual attraction, while demisexual individuals do—but only after forming an emotional bond.

Can a demisexual person be in a long-term relationship?

Yes! Demisexual individuals can have fulfilling relationships, just like anyone else. They prioritize emotional intimacy before experiencing attraction, which can actually lead to stronger, more stable partnerships.

How do I contact the DEA?

• For general questions, you can call the DEA Headquarters at 571-362-8487 or report unlawful activities at 1-877-792-2873.
• For media or press inquiries, you can email the Office of Public Affairs at DEA.Public.Affairs@dea.gov.
• For drug prevention and education, you can call the Office of Public Affairs, Community Outreach Section at 202-307-7936 or email them at community.outreach@dea.gov.
• For registration and medical practitioners, you can call the Medical Practitioners Drug Registrant Information at 800-882-9539 or email them at DEA.Registration.Help@dea.gov.
• For DEA policy questions, you can email the Liaison and Policy Section at ODLL@dea.gov or DPY@dea.gov.
• For reporting employee misconduct, you can email misconduct@dea.gov.
• For contacting a specific DEA division, you can find their contact information on the DEA website.
• For contacting the DEA on social media, you can follow their official accounts on Twitter.

How do I apply for a DEA registration number?

To apply for a DEA registration number, you need to:

• Choose the right form for your type of registrant, such as Form 224 for practitioners or Form 225 for manufacturers.
• Fill out and submit the form online or by mail, with your personal and professional information and controlled substances activities.
• Pay the registration fee online or by mail, which varies by the type and duration of your registration.
• Wait for the DEA to process your application and issue your DEA registration number. This may take up to 4-6 weeks.

How Can I Look Up a DEA Number?

To look up a DEA number, you can:

• Contact the applicant’s office and ask for this information.
• If this isn’t possible, go to the DEA database.
• Create a user account at DEANumber.com and choose a weekly, monthly, or quarterly subscription.
• Conduct an online DEA search.

Is demisexuality a choice or a preference?

No, demisexuality is a natural sexual orientation, not a lifestyle choice or preference. Recent neuroimaging studies support this, showing distinct brain patterns in demisexual individuals.

How can I support a demisexual partner?

Respect their need for emotional bonding before intimacy, and communicate openly about relationship expectations. Focus on building friendship and emotional connection first.

Does demisexuality mean someone is against casual relationships?

Not necessarily. While many demisexual individuals prefer deeper connections, some may engage in casual dating if emotional trust develops over time. Each person’s experience is different.

How long does it take for demisexual individuals to feel attraction?

This varies greatly-from several weeks to many months or even years. The key factor is the depth of emotional connection, not just time spent together.

Can demisexuality change over time?

Sexual orientation can be fluid for some people, but for most demisexual individuals, this pattern of attraction remains consistent throughout their lives.

Resources and Support

Online Communities

• r/demisexuality on Reddit – Active community with daily discussions
• Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) – Includes demisexuality resources
• The Trevor Project – LGBTQ+ support and resources

Books and Further Reading

• “The Invisible Orientation” by Julie Sondra Decker
• “Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex” by Angela Chen
• “The Psychology of Human Sexuality” by Justin J. Lehmiller (2nd Edition, 2024)

Professional Support

If you’re seeking therapy or counseling, look for professionals who are trained in LGBTQ+ issues and understand diverse sexual orientations. The Psychology Today directory allows you to filter therapists by specialty.

Final Thoughts

Demisexuality shows the depth of human connection. In a fast-paced world that often focuses on superficial attraction, demisexual individuals remind us that the heart, mind, and soul matter just as much—if not more—than physical appearance. By understanding and accepting diverse orientations, we move toward a society that values love in all its forms.

About the Author

Grace Oluchi is a freelance writer specializing in sexuality, relationships, and LGBTQ+ topics. She holds a degree in Psychology and has been writing about sexual health and identity for over 5 years. Her work has been featured in several online publications focused on mental health and relationship wellness.

Last Updated: February 9, 2025

⚠️ Medical Disclaimer: This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider before making changes to your treatment or if you have questions about your sexual health.

References and Studies

National Center for Biotechnology Information. (2024). Sexual Orientation and Mental Health Outcomes. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/

Borgogna, N. C., McDermott, R. C., Aita, S. L., & Kridel, M. M. (2019). Anxiety and depression across gender and sexual minorities: Implications for transgender, gender nonconforming, pansexual, demisexual, asexual, queer, and questioning individuals. Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, 6(1), 54-63.

Rothblum, E. D., Krueger, E. A., Kittle, K. R., & Meyer, I. H. (2020). Asexual and non-asexual respondents from a U.S. population-based study of sexual minorities. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(2), 757-767.

Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law. (2024). LGBTQ+ Demographics: Sexual Orientation in the United States. https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/

Chen, D., Strang, J. F., Kolbuck, V. D., Rosenthal, S. M., Wallen, K., Waber, D. P., … & Alexander, G. M. (2024). Neuroimaging correlates of sexual orientation and romantic attachment in emerging adults. NeuroImage, 287, 120089.

Antonsen, A. N., Zdaniuk, B., Yule, M., & Brotto, L. A. (2023). Differences in relationship and sexual satisfaction between sexually fluid and non-sexually fluid individuals in same-gender relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 60(4), 532-545.

Diamond, L. M., & Rosky, C. J. (2016). Scrutinizing immutability: Research on sexual orientation and U.S. legal advocacy for sexual minorities. Journal of Sex Research, 53(4-5), 363-391.

Yule, M. A., Brotto, L. A., & Gorzalka, B. B. (2017). Sexual fantasy and masturbation among asexual individuals: An in-depth exploration. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(1), 311-328.

Scherrer, K. S., Kazyak, E., & Schmitz, R. (2015). Getting “bi” in the family: Bisexual people’s disclosure experiences. Journal of Marriage and Family, 77(3), 680-696.

Cranney, S. (2017). The temporal stability of lack of sexual attraction across young adulthood. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(4), 1095-1101.