“I often feel like I’m a burden.” Darl, Are You Though?

Last Updated on April 11, 2024 by Pen and Pixel

Sometimes, you might feel like you’re a burden because of sickness, or when you’re with friends, or perhaps your family made you feel this way since you were little.

No matter why, feeling like you’re just trouble for others can happen to anyone. This feeling usually comes from not thinking much of yourself, like believing you’re not worth helping or loving, and thinking you’re just a bother for others to deal with.

The Key Takeaway.

Feeling like you’re, a burden can be really tough. It might stop you from getting what you really need or reaching out for help when you really need it. The tips in this article can guide you to slowly change the way you think about this.

Why Do I Feel Like A Burden?

Did this feeling start when you were a child or is it something new? Let’s look at some reasons why you might feel like you’re too much trouble:

Expectations from When You Were Young.

Sometimes, parents expect a lot from their children. They might make you think you only deserve love or attention if you’re perfect at everything. Maybe they made you feel that any mistake, like a bad grade or not making the team, means you’re not good enough.

They might not say it straight out, but even hints like, “The neighbor’s child got into a top college, aren’t they lucky?” or “Thank goodness you always get good grades, unlike the neighbor’s child who failed math,” can make you feel like you have to be perfect or else you’ll let them down.

Too Much Responsibility Early On.

Or maybe, you had to look after yourself and your brothers or sisters when you were little. This could’ve made you think you have to do everything on your own to earn your spot in the family, or even just to get basic things like food or medical care.

Growing up like this might make it hard for you to ask for help or support now, because you’re used to handling everything by yourself.

Dealing with Illness or Disability.

People with a physical or mental illness, or a disability, often need extra help. They might not be able to give the same kind of help back. For instance, someone with depression might struggle with daily tasks like cooking or cleaning. Their family and friends might step in to help with these things.

This can make the person feel like they’re too much trouble, asking for more than they should, or making life harder for others. They might say sorry too much, try to do more than they can handle, not be honest about how they’re feeling, keep to themselves, or get upset about their own needs.

The same can happen to someone recovering from drug or alcohol addiction. They might feel like they’re a problem, or they might see how their addiction was hard on their loved ones. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to need help, and that you still add value to the lives of those around you, no matter how much help you need. This can be the first step to feeling better about yourself.

Struggling with Self-Esteem.

The tough times you had as a child might make you feel less confident as an adult. Or maybe it’s because of a bad relationship, being picked on, strict rules from religion, or the pressure from society. Thinking that you’re just not good enough can make you feel like you’re a problem for others.

But if you work on feeling better about yourself, you’ll start to feel okay asking for what you need and accepting kindness. Research even says that feeling good about yourself goes hand in hand with doing well in life, like in friendships, work, and staying healthy. So, working on your self-esteem is really important and can make a big difference in your life.

Suicidal Thoughts.

Sometimes, people have thoughts about ending their life.

These can be vague thoughts or very detailed plans. It’s a big problem that usually comes from being under a lot of stress and feeling like there’s no other way out or that things will never get better. It can also happen when someone feels like they’re a burden/just too much for others to handle.

How Feeling Like a Burden Relates to Suicidal Thoughts.

From personal perspective, feeling like a burden is an aspect of suicidal thinking which is not often discussed. When you’re feeling low, it’s hard to see the positive things you bring to others, now or in the future. And these are all signs of suicidal thoughts/tendencies. So, what are the warning signs that your feelings of being a burden are actually suicidal thoughts?

Warnings Signs That You’re Suicidal When You Feel Like A Burden.

I’m sectioning this into three. The Verbal Signs. The Emotional Signs. The Behavioral Signs.

The Verbal Signs.

• Talking about dying/Killing themselves: Saying things like “I wish I wasn’t here” or “I’m going to end it all.
• Feeling like their life has no purpose: Saying “I don’t matter” or “I’m worthless.”
• Feeling like a burden: Saying “I’m just a burden to everyone.”
• Feeling stuck/trapped: Saying “I’m stuck and can’t get out of this.”
• Not wanting to exist: Saying “I wish I could just disappear.”

The Emotional Signs.

• Feeling really sad: Like nothing makes you happy anymore.
• Not caring about stuff you used to like: Even your favorite hobbies don’t interest you now.
• Getting annoyed easily: Little things set you off and you can’t stay calm.
• Feeling mad: You might have a short temper or get angry quickly.
• Worrying a lot: Feeling nervous or scared often.
• Feeling embarrassed or really guilty: Like you’ve done something wrong or you’re not good enough.
• Changing moods quickly: One minute you’re okay, the next you’re not.

The Behavioral Signs.

• Staying away from people: Not hanging out with friends or family.
• Not talking much: Keeping to yourself and not sharing your thoughts.
• Letting go of your stuff: Giving away things that are important to you.
• Being careless when driving: Not worrying about safety on the road.
• Getting more aggressive: Acting out and possibly hurting others or yourself.
• Using drugs or alcohol more: Trying to feel different or numb.
• Looking up suicide online: Searching for ways to hurt yourself.
• Collecting things to hurt yourself: Like keeping pills or a weapon close by.

How to Stop/Overcome Feelings Of Being A Burden.

Stay Away From People Who Make You Feel Like A Burden.

You didn’t start thinking this way out of nowhere. It’s not because they say you’re a problem, but it’s the little things they do—like constantly reminding you of the favors they do for you, or making you feel guilty for asking for help—as if you owe them something big in return. This teaches you that people don’t help just because they care about you.

For me, it was a big issue in school. I remember during a dance, we had to do a move that I couldn’t do because of my health. When I said I couldn’t do it, there were sighs and complaints that we’d lose because of me.

But good people wouldn’t fuss over it—it wasn’t a big deal. We even won the dance, and I did my own thing instead of the move. If you can’t get rid of these negative people, at least keep your distance. You can’t build confidence if you’re always put down.

Could It Be You, Not Them?

No wait, before you roll your eyes, exit this article, and talk about how ridiculous I sound, hear me out. Don’t just dismiss this idea yet. Give it a fat thought.

It could actually be about you.

It’s possible that other people haven’t done anything to hurt you. You might even be really happy with them. But the real issue might be that you’re not happy with yourself.

Read: How Can I Love Myself?

If You Feel Like You’re A Burden, Talk About It.

Feeling like you’re too much for others is really hard and can make you feel pretty bad about yourself. This kind of feeling usually makes people keep quiet, but it’s important to talk about it. You don’t have to say you’re a “burden.” Instead, you could say:

“Hey, I feel really bad that you have to take care of me so much. I’m worried that I might be making you feel down too. I just want to say a big thank you for being there for me. It’s really helped me get through this tough time.”

Seriously, if you ever feel like you’re too much for others, it’s okay to talk about it.

Build Your Self Esteem to Feel Better About Yourself.

Building up your self-esteem is important if you often feel like you’re not enough. Here are some easy ways:

• Say nice things to yourself: Like “I can do this” or “I’m a good person.”
• Hang out with people who make you feel good: Choose friends who treat you well and make you happy.
• Make small goals and finish them: This could be as simple as doing your laundry or making a meal.
• Turn negative thoughts into positive ones: When you catch yourself thinking “I can’t,” try to change it to “I’ll try my best.”
• Take care of your body: Eat healthy foods and get some exercise, even a walk helps.
• Join groups where people understand you: Find a club or group where others know what you’re going through and can support you.

Stop Apologizing So Much/Don’t Say Sorry All the Time.

If you often feel like you’re a burden to others, you might say sorry a lot for asking for help or for small things. Next time, try to change how you say it.

For instance, if you’re a bit late, instead of saying sorry, you could say thanks for your patience. This positive twist can slowly help you see things differently. It’s not just about you needing help; it’s about others being willing to give it because they care.

Getting Help from a Therapist/Professional.

Talking to a therapist can really help change the way you think about yourself. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a popular type of therapy that can help you swap out bad thoughts for good ones.

CBT is based on the idea that what we think affects how we feel. So, if you change negative thoughts (like thinking you’re a burden), you can feel better. A therapist can also help you deal with any old hurts, feel better about yourself, and get better at asking for what you need.

11 Reasons Why You’re Not A Burden.

• There’s only one you, and you bring something special to the world that nobody else can.
• At Medspurs, we care about you, even if you can’t tell, we genuinely do.
• You play an important role in the lives of those around you.
• You’ve faced challenges before and you’re still here.
• Every day is a chance to learn and become a better version of yourself.
• In your own ways, you’ve helped others, often without even realizing it.
• You have skills and abilities that are valuable and appreciated.
• Everyone needs help sometimes, and that’s perfectly okay.
• Your worth isn’t based on what you do for others; it’s just inherent.
• Your presence brings happiness to others, even in small ways. Even ours, as you read our articles.
• It’s human to feel down, to need support, and to not be perfect. That doesn’t make you a burden; it makes you part of the human family.

If You Think You’re a Burden, Read This.

No, you’re not a burden. You’re not damaged. Please stop thinking of yourself in those ways. You’re not in anyone’s way; you’re meant to be here. You’re okay just as you are. Sure, you have things to work on. I do too. It’s okay to let yourself feel emotions, to heal, and to take a break. I’m really proud of you. You’re not all by yourself and it’s completely fine to look after your own needs first.

Finding people who appreciate all of you, not just the parts you think are a burden, can make a huge difference. You’re so much more than anything that makes you feel like a burden.

With lots of love,

Pen and Pixel.