We all have times when we feel bad about ourselves or our lives. At these times, we might feel sad, frustrated, you name it and we’re feeling it. The thing is that those feelings are just as common as feeling happy or excited.
Emotions are fairy wheels at this point.
When I feel bad about myself, I have negative thoughts and feelings like worry, fear, self-hatred, and feeling like a victim.
As I mentioned in the ‘life is hard but you’re making it harder’ article, I used to feel bad about myself and was consistently having negative thoughts, thinking it was ‘the normal’ and nothing else truly existed or felt right. But now I know that’s not true.
In fact, it was Pigeonshit.
I have found a way to break free from this cycle of self-punishment, and you’ll read how you can do it too.
The Key Takeaway.
When you take charge of your own life, you’ll stop feeling bad. Don’t blame others or situations for where you are. Accepting responsibility lets you make positive changes. The longer you avoid this, the longer you’ll feel unhappy.
So, what does taking responsibility look like?
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Know When You’re Doing It.
The first step to changing these negative feelings is to notice them. If you don’t realize when you’re having negative thoughts, pay more attention to when you feel bad about yourself.
This might take time, so be patient. When you catch those negative thoughts, you’ll be on the right path to feeling better about yourself.
Know Why You’re Feeling Bad About Yourself.
Once you know your negative thoughts, think about what causes them. Why? You might see patterns.
For example, if you feel bad around your colleagues, it’s probably because you feel unneeded at work.
Are you comparing yourself to others? Who are they? Someone with rounder buttocks? Someone with a better job, a nicer house, what? Identify who you compare yourself to and why.
Understanding why is a step closer to fixing it.
Do More Digging.
Don’t just say, “Sara has a perfect life and I don’t; I just hate my life!”
Think! What about Sara’s life is making you feel like you hate your life?
Are you jealous Sara has a successful career? Is it because you feel stuck in your job and wish you had more opportunities? Do you want more recognition at work? Is it about confidence? A lack of experience? What is it?
Ask yourself more questions and dig deep.
Write about it if you need to. Go for long walks and think. Be specific about what makes you feel bad so you can start fixing it.
Neutrality/Acceptance Is The Next Thing You Need.
Now that you know what makes you feel bad, it’s time to be okay with it.
Neutrality and Acceptance is NOT giving up. It’s about seeing things as they are right now, what has happened, what you have done, or what someone else has done to you. Stop judging. Stop labeling it as right or wrong or blaming yourself. It is what it is.
- Accept that you married the wrong spouse. No, you are not stupid, you just made a mistake. So what?
- Accept that you have made bad decisions. Seriously, whatever. Pigeonshit. It happened.
The past is over. Stop wishing things were different. They aren’t, and it’s a waste of your energy. Use that energy to make good changes instead.
Make Your Decision (S).
Now that you’ve accepted what has happened, are you going to do something about it? You are the one who has to change things.
And you may not have to change things. You could leave things as they are and just live your life. Still, find a way to stop feeling bad about those things.
But it’s pointless to feel bad about something repeatedly, choose not to do anything about it, and then keep feeling bad in an endless negative cycle. This is just you making things worse.
So, change or don’t. It’s up to you. But make a choice.
Do Your Own Part.
You are tired of the relationship? End it. You hate being in debt? Do something now to avoid it in the future. You hate feeling stuck in your career? What can you do to find better opportunities?
Stop blaming and just take action.
Bad things will still happen, but you, you must take responsibility for your part and change what you can.
Get Ready To Sweat. Change Is Uncomfortable.
Now that you’ve decided to do something about the situation, get ready to sweat a little because things will feel uncomfortable for a while.
It’s okay. Life isn’t always comfortable. Change brings discomfort, and that’s why many people give up when they try to change. They feel uncomfortable and don’t like it.
But if you push through, the discomfort will slowly become normal. That’s how you empower yourself and regain control over your actions. Period!
From Me To YOU:
When you start to think badly of your life, ask yourself: If a child said ‘I hate my life’ how would you respond?
Exactly. You would be kind to that child.
We forget to be kind and encouraging to ourselves. Yes, there are times to be tough on ourselves, have some reality-checking conversations, and focus on what’s possible, not on excuses for what we think we can’t do but you would be kind to that child. So cut yourself some slack!
And!
You will never stop feeling bad about yourself if you don’t accept who you are, then decide to change what you can. You could keep wishing and hoping and waiting for your life to become perfect. Or you can absolutely roll up your sleeves, investigate and make the improvements happen.
Get up!
