If you identify as an asexual, it simply means you may experience little or no sexual attraction, but may engage in sexual activity. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, like being gay, straight or bi-sexual. It is a label that can mean different things to different people.
Do you think you may be asexual? Or are you trying to figure out what your sexual orientation might be? Keep reading to find out!
Defining Asexuality
A person who is asexual or ace feels little to no sexual attraction towards other people. This can be possible due to how they’ve always felt or it could happen over time.
10 Significant Signs You Might Be Asexual
Lack Of Sexual Attraction
Asexuality refers to a lack or rather low level of sexual attraction to other people. So instead if sexual attraction to someone, you might experience other forms of attraction like romantic, or platonic and so on. However, an asexual person can experience sexual attraction sometimes.
You Could Be Interested In A Relationship But Without The Sexual Element.
It is true that some asexuals don’t feel any sexual attraction, however, it doesn’t mean they can’t get to experience other attractions like romantic, emotional, aesthetic, and sensual attraction towards others. Not having sexual sparks toward other people doesn’t mean you zero out other forms of attraction.
You Get Over Crushes Quite Easily
If you tend to have short-term crushes it could be a sign sometimes, an asexual with someone else if they think it is becoming too intimate. They value or lean towards romantic or physical attraction than a sexual one.
You Find People Aesthetically Attractive But Not Sexually.
An asexual person can admit that someone is good-looking or hot but not find them attractive in a sexual manner. When people are talking about how they find a person sexually appealing you don’t relate or feel the same way.
The Thought Of Sex Puts You Off
When a person talks about sex, you find it off-putting or gross. It could be a sign. The thought of having sex can feel really weird and you’re just not into it.
No Interest In Sexual Topics
An asexual person would rather prefer to talk about their hobbies or things that they like, not how people “do it” in the bedroom. Sexual topics just don’t make sense to them and aren’t something they want.
You Find Yourself Pretending To Be Interested
If you find yourself acting like you’re interested in sex, it could be a sign. Most of the time if you act like you have an interest in something then it likely means you don’t like it.
May Experience Sexual Attraction In Certain Situations
Asexuality has a wide spectrum, and in this case, some people may experience sexual attraction in very limited events, while some don’t at all. Demisexuals, for example, who fall under the asexuality group only feel sexual attraction when they have a deep connection with someone.
You Find Erotic/Pornography Films Boring Or Gross
If you find yourself grossed out or uninterested in watching you might be asexual. Many people watch these films but if you just don’t feel the urge to watch or get stimulated about it, it might be a sign.
Sex Is Not A Must In Your Relationship
In most cases, a lot of asexuals often don’t need to satisfy themselves during their lifetime. They believe that there is still so much to uncover in their lives than focusing on sexual activities. However, some may want sex in order to have their own children, to satisfy their libido, or to physically feel closer to their partner.
Keep in mind that if you relate to any of these signs, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re asexual. This list isn’t definitive but there are only some key aspects to be aware of. Everyone expresses their sexual orientation differently.
Asexuality, Celibacy, And Abstinence.
There are many people who mistake asexuality for being celibate or abstaining from sex. Whereas, the three don’t mean the same thing. Let’s look at the full meaning and difference between them.
Celibacy
Though people often use the term interchangeably with abstinence, they don’t mean the same thing completely. Being celibate is usually specific to sexual activity and can be permanent. It is a type of lifestyle commitment.
Abstinence
This is an intentional decision to avoid something like sex. When you abstain from something such as sex, you are choosing not to have it even though you want to. It can also be temporary, such as not having sex till you get married. Both celibacy and abstinence can be practiced either due to personal reasons or religious religious reasons.
Being asexual is not a choice but just how a person is. It is usually not bound by external factors but basically how a person feels towards it (sex). Asexuals just aren’t hyped about sex that’s all.
Myths And Misconceptions About Asexuality
Asexuality is an orientation, not a choice. And it is usually not influenced by external factors. However, a lot of people create assumptions about asexual people.
1 . An asexual hates sex
Asexuals don’t hate sex, they just don’t have an interest in doing it. In fact, some asexual people do actually have sex, but there are reasons as to why they have it, but two common ones are to please their romantic partner and bear children. It’s not always their number one choice to have sex for pleasure.
2 . An asexual is not capable of loving a person
Many asexuals do develop romantic feelings for other people. They go on dates and can have both long-term and short-term romantic relationships. Their being asexual doesn’t have anything to do with being unable to love a person. They generally do not have an aversion or negative image of sex, they simply don’t feel sexual attraction towards another person.
3 . History of sexual rejection
A person doesn’t become ace or asexual because they have been rejected sexually in the past. It’s not linked to any of that at all. This is the mindset of many and it can be harmful. Some people realize they are asexual after one or more sexual experiences with others. While others, discover it from an early age.
4 . Trauma from sexual abuse
Asexuality is not a form of mental issue, and people don’t become asexual because of past sexual abuse. They’re not linked at all.
Just like any other person, an asexual orientation is not solely determined by a person’s past. Although some of these factors can influence part of a person’s identity, one’s sexuality is not a choice.
5 . Sexual dysfunction
A person’s inability to have sex with someone else is not the same as being asexual. Asexuals are not asexual because of issues like erectile dysfunction, they simply are who they are. A situation doesn’t turn them into one, rather they just don’t have an interest in sex. Asexuals can have a sex drive and experience sexual desire. Similarly, there are also cases where people who aren’t asexuals have low libido and may not desire sex.
Other forms of myths are:
- religious grounds
- fear of intimacy
- low-self esteem
A lot of people view sexuality as a spectrum.
Asexuality can also be a spectrum, with some people experiencing no sexual attraction, while others have little, and others experience a lot of sexual attraction.
Different Spectrums
For example, Graysexual people hardly experience sexual attraction, or they experience it at a very low intensity.
According to the Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN), many people view grasexuality as a midpoint between sexuality and asexuality.
Sexual Orientation And Romantic Orientation
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as everyone else. Every person is different, and how they choose to meet those needs varies widely.
Wanting to have sex with someone is not the same as wanting a romantic relationship with them.
Similarly, it’s important to note that just as sexual attraction differs from a romantic one, sexual desire is also different from romantic desire.
Some asexuals do not want to have sexual contact, while others may feel “sex-neutral”. Some asexuals can engage in sexual contact in order to gain emotional connections.
Here are some other common identities which fall into the asexual or aromatic spectrum:
Some other common identities.
Aromantic
Some people prefer non-romantic relationships. As asexuals experience little to no sexual attraction, so do aromatic people experience little to no romantic attraction. However, this doesn’t mean all asexuals are aromantic.
Aromantic people prefer close friendships and other non-romantic relationships.
Queerplatonic, a word that was created in the asexual and aromatic communities, is a good way to describe non-romantic relationships.
According to AVEN, a queerplatonic relationship is a very close relationship. There is no usually no romance involved, people in this type of relationship are just as committed.
So basically, anyone can have a queerplatonic relationship no matter their romantic or sexual orientation.
Demisexual
Most people who are demisexual experience sexual or romantic attraction, but is usually after they have formed a close emotional connection with a person.
Graysexual or grayromantic
These type of people find their capacity for attraction or desire to shift over time. Graysexaul or grayromantic people consider their identity to be somewhat fluid.
Here are some signs:
- Experience romantic attraction sometimes
- Experience sexual attraction sometimes
- May want or enjoy sexual or romantic relationships, but in very specific events.
- Experience sexual attraction, but have a very low sex drive.
It also happens that a person might be into another sex or bisexual, then later realize they’re asexual. This doesn’t depict confusion. It also doesn’t mean that a person’s sexual orientation is a “phase” or something they’ll come out of.
It is important to understand that your capacity for attraction isn’t fixed. You may find your attraction toward others changes over time, but it doesn’t mean you’re unhealthy.
Helping Your Loved Ones Understand Asexuality
While it is not necessary to come out to your loved ones or anyone else as asexual, some asexuals have come to find it helpful or liberating.
If you may wonder how best it is to explain your orientation to the people in your life. However, you could start by explaining that asexuality is an orientation, just like being gay, queer, or pansexual.
It is always up to you to decide who you choose to share it with. But it is never okay to share such information about another person, whether it’s a friend, sibling, or romantic partner. If they decide to keep this part of their life private, then you should honor their decision.
On coming out to friends or family, they might relay their worry thinking you will never have a loving relationship, so you can help them by reassuring them that you still can have a great relationship. As you can and do experience desire for friendships and other forms of bonding.
How Does Being Asexual Work In A Relationship
An asexual person can have romantic relationships with others. It all boils down to having honest communication. Not so different from any other healthy relationship.
It’s important to always discuss your boundaries with your partner when it comes to the types of sexual activity you’re open to (if you have any). If you’re in a relationship with an asexual person it is important to respect their preferences around sex.
If you and your partner want a long-term romantic relationship, but your partner has a much higher sex drive, you might want to consider having an open relationship, where your partner can have other sexual partners but still be emotionally committed to you.
Some asexuals may be fine with some amount of physical or even sexual contact, while others aren’t. What should always be of utmost importance is communication between the two of you.
The Bottom line
An asexual person may experience little to no sexual attraction. They may or may not feel romantic attraction, and they may or may not engage in sexual activity. The way you choose to define your sexuality, orientation, and identity is your choice. And if you choose not to use any labels that’s also cool.
There is a wide range of identities on the asexual spectrum, from people who experience no sexual or romantic attraction toward others, down to those who engage in sexual contact under certain reasons. An asexual person can create and have long-lasting and meaningful relationships with others. While some can choose to get married or have kids.
Lastly, asexuality is not the same as celibacy or abstinence, as both can mean that someone desires sex but chooses not to have it.
