Mental HealthTop Tips

Feeling Ugly After Being Cheated On? It’s A Real Thing.

Feeling ugly after being cheated on… really is a thing. But, you have to remember that their affair doesn’t define you or your self worth.

The Key Takeaway.

Look, this is going to take an emotional toll on you. You must be willing to understand those hard feelings, even if they seem negative, or inappropriate. But most importantly, you need to know how to pick yourself up again. 

Feeling Ugly After They Cheated. Should You Cheat Back?

You feel ugly, worthless or dirty because the cheater really, really did you dirty. 

Have you ever noticed that our self-image is somewhat influenced by our partners in a relationship? Unfortunate, but this doesn’t reflect your true worth as a person. They made that choice for themselves and the relationship.

It’s challenging, but if you keep reminding yourself that the cheating wasn’t about you, but about the cheater, you’ll gradually feel better. And you might wonder if you should cheat back because you feel so hurt.

Don’t even think about it!

When someone intentionally cheats (which is what you’re doing when you “cheat back”) it becomes a pattern of behavior that’s likely to happen again.

I mean… it’s a behavior right? 

Once you cheat back, it will always be easier to do it again. Same thing for the partner who cheated. With this new behavior, you might find yourself tempted to cheat again whenever you’re in a relationship facing minor challenges. I mean even the smallest ones. 

That’s a dangerous cycle there. 

Choosing to cheat back instead of addressing the relationship issue is a behavioral weakness you don’t ever want to develop. And when you cheat back, you end up on the same level as the person who cheated first. That’s not where you want to be.

Why Do I Feel Insecure After They Cheated? 

  • You trusted your partner, and they disappointed you. It can hurt how you view yourself and make you doubt your own judgment. You might even wrongly think that you’re somehow to blame for their infidelity. All of this can throw your confidence out the window.
  • When your partner has an affair, it feels like rejection. It hurts, sometimes it embarrasses you, and can lead to insecurity.
  • When infidelity happens, it makes you wonder about the health of your relationship. It’s natural to feel stressed about the likely end of a partnership you once trusted.
  • When people find out about their partner’s infidelity, they often worry about their attractiveness. Thoughts like, ‘Am I attractive enough?’ or ‘Am I that terrible in bed?’ or ‘What did they have that I didn’t have?’ can fill your mind—and this is harmful for your mental health.
  • When something like this happens, you might wonder if you’re being punished for something you’ve done. It’s not a pleasant feeling. Plus, it can trigger panic and dig into your self esteem.

How To Get Back Up After Being Cheated On.

Overcoming Fear.

If you decide to stay in the relationship, you’ll need to find a way to manage your fears. You will feel suspicious whenever they’re around people of the opposite sex. But if you don’t manage those fears, it can consume you.

Don’t Get Lost In The Details.

Initially, you’ll want to know all that happened. Was it a fling? Were they drunk? How they felt doing it? Where and when did it happen? Do they like the person? And the likes…

Don’t let yourself go crazy over details that won’t matter in the long run. Ask yourself whether you want to continue the relationship. Can you move forward from it? Focus on that.

Learn From Other’s Stories.

Reading about others who have faced infidelity can provide comfort and insights. You’ll find courage and encouragement in their words. Many smart people have shared their experiences and advice in published books or articles. Platforms like Reddit, Medium and Quora are great places to read such stories.

Sometimes, it’s healing to connect with strangers who are dealing with similar problems. And being part of a community where others understand your pain can provide healing and comfort during those difficult times.

Decide What You Want To Do.

Now is a good time to think about your life. Is this relationship good for you? Are you happy and content with where you’re headed?

Forgive and Actually Forget.

Rebuilding a relationship after an affair needs strength, genuine forgiveness, and working through issues with the partner who cheated. If you truly want to move forward, true forgiveness is needed. Forgiveness isn’t enough, you must completely let go of resentment as well. 

Don’t Monitor Your Partner.

Trying to control your partner by monitoring them is a harmful choice. They’re the one who did the wrong, but monitoring them won’t lead to a healthy relationship in the long run.

Don’t Lie To Yourself. 

You can’t deceive two people in a lie. You can deceive your partner but not yourself. So don’t lie to yourself. It can be tough and painful, but when you take that leap, you start feeling more at ease with what you have decided on.

Retaliate. (Or Not. I Don’t Recommend).

This is BAD advice. But, after reading some stories, some people realize that by cheating back, they got over their partner’s affair faster. Now, this isn’t suitable for most people, but it has worked for a few.

I would never recommend you try this. You should see ‘why’ above. 

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