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You ever sat in a group chat with “friends” and felt lonelier than you do when your phone is on airplane mode?
Yeah. That one hit different, didn’t it?
I’ve been there. More than once. Too many times, honestly.
- I’ve done the whole “keep showing up for people who never ask if I made it home safe” thing.
- I’ve bent myself into a paperclip trying to fit into places that were clearly allergic to my presence.
- And I’ve also clung to fake-safe spaces because at least they looked like love. Spoiler: They weren’t.
But let’s get into it. Because someone’s gotta tell the truth.
The Key Takeaway.
Not every group chat, not every family circle, not every “you can always talk to me” is a support system. Some are cages dressed up in cozy throw pillows. Some will pat your back while slowly breaking your spine. The real ones don’t need to be loud about their love. They just show up. Every time.
What Even Is a Support System?
Simple, it’s the people, spaces, or habits that remind you who you are without needing you to shrink, explain, or apologize.
- It’s not just “having someone to call.”
- It’s feeling safe before you even say a word.
- And it’s knowing if you fall apart, there’s someone who knows how to hold you, not fix you, but hold you.
That’s it. That’s the whole thing. So why does it feel so rare?
How to Find Support Systems That Empower You (Instead of Sucking Your Soul Out).
Stop Romanticizing the Struggle Circle.
You don’t have to stay loyal to people just because you’ve cried with them. Some people get off on being needed. Not helping, being needed.
They only know how to support you when you’re a mess. The moment you start healing, evolving, or standing up straighter, they go quiet.
Weird, right? But real support doesn’t fear your growth. It celebrates it. Loudly. So no, you’re not a bad person for outgrowing people. You’re just finally breathing in a room with oxygen.
Scan for Emotional Safety, Not Just Familiarity.
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel better after talking to them?
- Or do I feel like I have to recharge from the conversation that was supposed to recharge me?
Real support doesn’t come with guilt trips, emotional whiplash, or subtle jabs dressed as “jokes.”
And it sure as hell doesn’t feel like walking on glass to keep the peace. You don’t need a “vibe.” You need peace. There’s a difference.
Learn the Art of Holding Yourself First.
Look, I know this sounds cliché, but hold on, before anyone else can empower you, you’ve gotta stop abandoning yourself first.
That means:
- Say what you actually feel.
- Set boundaries without guilt.
- Stop ghosting yourself just to be available for everyone else.
You can’t find the right support if you keep shrinking your needs. Say it out loud: “I want people who are emotionally present, not just physically available.” Say it again, till it sticks.
Start Watching People Instead of Just Listening to Them.
People say they support you all the time. But what I’ve learned the hard way is that:
- Words are costumes.
- Watch what they do when you’re silent. When you’re not doing well.
- When you’re doing too well.
- When you say “no.”
People who empower you won’t compete with your light. They’ll grab a mirror and show you what you forgot you looked like. Those are your people.
Get Comfortable Being the One Who Walks Away First.
This one hurts. But let’s be real, some of us stay in draining spaces out of guilt, fear, or nostalgia. You don’t owe anyone your exhaustion.
Read that again. You don’t owe anyone your exhaustion.
- Sometimes love looks like leaving.
- Sometimes healing looks like blocking.
- Sometimes the most powerful support system is silence after goodbye.
You’re not heartless. You’re just finally done leaking energy into the void.
Build Systems, Not Just Relationships.
- Support isn’t always people.
- Sometimes it’s routines.
- Playlists that calm you down.
- Daily walks with no headphones.
- Journals that catch your panic before it spirals.
- Prayer.
- Breathwork.
- Sleep.
These things matter too. They’re not “extras,” they’re infrastructure. And babe, you can’t build a home on sand. Your life deserves a foundation.
Beware the “Empowerment Themed” Batshit.
You know those “safe spaces” that say all the right words but feel faker than a plastic fruit bowl? The ones that post about mental health on Monday and mock people for “overreacting” by Friday?
That’s not a support system. That’s marketing.
Support Doesn’t Always Look How You Want It To.
- Sometimes it’s that quiet friend who checks on you consistently without fanfare.
- Sometimes it’s the stranger who held eye contact when you looked like you were breaking.
- And sometimes it’s you, talking to yourself kindly in a voice you never heard growing up.
Look around. Look deeper. Support isn’t always loud. But when it’s real, you feel it. Deep in your chest.
If you have to keep proving you deserve love, you’re not in a support system. You’re in a survival simulation. The real ones don’t make you beg, they see you, hold you, hype you and help you breathe.
