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I swear, sometimes I want to throw my whole emotional intelligence into the gutter, step on it, and scream,
“Why do I have to be calm when you’re being insane?”
No seriously, why is it always the emotionally aware one that ends up exhausted, drained, and pacing around the kitchen at 2am chewing on regrets and air?
Being “emotionally intelligent” sounds cute on a CV…
- Until you’re silently disassociating in your office chair because your manager just humiliated you again and you smiled like a saint.
- Until your mum guilt-tripped you for not picking her calls while you were having a panic attack.
- And until you’re folding laundry, fighting tears, whispering to yourself: “Let it go. Don’t react. Don’t cry. Just breathe.”
I’m tired, jare.
📋 Table of Contents
The Key Takeaway.
Being emotionally intelligent doesn’t mean being emotionally available for everyone’s nonsense. It’s not about suppressing your rage, guilt, sadness, or instincts. It’s about knowing when to express, when to walk, and when to burn the damn bridge with grace. Emotional intelligence isn’t sainthood. It’s knowing how not to lose yourself while navigating other people’s madness. Period.
What Unhinged Emotional Intelligence Actually Is.
It’s not soft music and deep breaths.
It is:
- Sobbing into your pillow at night because you didn’t clap back when you had the chance.
- Sending “Okay.” when you really want to say, “You’ve lost your mind.”
- Realizing that maturity sometimes feels like punishment.
- Standing in front of your mirror thinking, “Did I just gaslight myself into tolerating that?”
Now, people will say, “Regulate your emotions,” but won’t say how it feels to be the emotional dustbin.
They’ll say, “Be the mature one at work,” but won’t tell you about the loneliness of always having to filter your pain for professionalism.
You’ll read all these glossy self-help articles talking about self-awareness like it’s a magic wand. But they never mention the resentment that bubbles up when you’re the only one doing the work.
At Work.
You ever sit in a meeting and feel your stomach twist because someone disrespected you…
But you smiled?
Not because you’re weak.
Because your rent is due next week and clapping back won’t pay your bills.
That’s workplace emotional intelligence in real time.
- It’s pretending not to notice the snide tone.
- It’s decoding passive-aggressive emails without losing your own peace.
- It’s thinking ten steps ahead while your colleague is still stuck on petty drama.
- It’s knowing which battles to pick because you know how fast they replace “difficult” employees.
But damn, sometimes I don’t want to pick my battles.
I want to start one.
Now Shift to Home.
Emotional intelligence at home? Ah. That one is a full-time job. You’ll be crying from stress and still telling your little cousin,
“It’s okay, don’t cry. I’m here.”
You’ll be blamed for things you didn’t do, but if you react, you’re “too sensitive.”
Home is where emotional intelligence turns into a war zone.
Because there’s love. And with love comes obligation.
And with obligation comes the pressure to keep the peace even when you’re shattering inside.
- Your mother makes a cruel comment and you’re supposed to “let it go” because… culture.
- Even your partner forgets your birthday and you say, “It’s fine,” even though it’s not.
- Your siblings disrespect you, but you keep the group chat cute. Why?
Because “family is everything.” (Who made that rule, by the way?)
Sometimes you want to scream, “Who’s emotionally intelligent for me?!”
Nobody, absolutely NOBODY love.
How Do You Manage Emotional Intelligence at Work and Home?
Stop Making it Your Job to Manage Everyone Else’s Mood.
You are not a thermostat. You are not a therapist-on-demand. The moment you feel like you’re bending just to keep the room calm, leave the room.
Set Traps for Your Own Patterns.
Yup, I said traps. Because half the time, you are the one betraying your own peace. You’re the one saying “Yes” when your gut is begging you to say “No.”
So start asking: “Am I doing this to be kind or to avoid confrontation?” If it’s the second, it’s self-sabotage with makeup on.
Your Silence is a Response. Use it Well.
You don’t need to write a 10-page essay explaining why you’re done. Sometimes the most emotionally intelligent thing you can do is: log off. walk out. breathe.
Don’t Be Ashamed of Exploding Occasionally.
You’re not a robot. You’re not a monk. You’re allowed to feel rage, to cry, to say “I can’t do this anymore.” Emotional intelligence includes emotional release.
Build a Tiny Safe Space Where You Don’t Have to Be Strong.
Maybe it’s journaling, a voice note, or maybe it’s a walk where you curse the air. But give yourself one place where your emotions can be messy, loud, unfiltered. Because the world demands your restraint. At least you shouldn’t.
If They Weaponize Your Calmness, Cut Them Off.
Some people will expect your grace. They’ll abuse it because you’ve taught them they can. The emotionally intelligent move? Burn that bridge and build a better boundary. With concrete. And barbed wire.
Emotional intelligence is not about being the bigger person. It’s about knowing when to walk away from people who don’t deserve a damn piece of you.
