When we hear about setting boundaries, we mostly assume it’s all about saying no.
Setting boundaries means deciding what you’re okay with and what you’re not. It’s not just about saying “no” to others. It’s about understanding your limits and communicating them clearly.
The truth is, we also think it’s about the others. No, boundary-setting starts with you and not others.
It’s about knowing what’s okay and not okay for you, no matter what others think or want.
Your life, your boundaries, your rules.
And you cannot force others to respect your boundaries if you don’t respect them yourself first.
So…
It’s Your Responsibility!
Have you noticed that when our boundaries are not respected, we focus (more of fixate) on what the other person is doing or what they did?
Why?
Because it’s a way to avoid feeling guilty. Instead of digging deep and addressing the fact that we didn’t respect our boundaries, our own needs, we shift the focus to the external actions. It’s like a shortcut to avoid facing our own discomfort.
Setting boundaries means taking responsibility for your own life. It’s about focusing on what you can do to change your actions, thoughts, and behaviors, no matter what others choose to do.
If you take responsibility, you would have to understand your priorities, values, and goals, see how your actions affects your well-being and actually make those needed changes.
I think we should know it now that our brain resists change. It prefers the familiar hell, knowing that it’s not good for us.
Saying No.
Your struggle with setting boundaries is mostly about your difficulty saying “no” to things. Is that true or false?
I’m referring to the unnecessary distractions throughout the day. Like the hundreds of posts you’ve saved on Instagram, the app you downloaded recently but still haven’t signed up, even that doughnut you just “had to buy” this morning.
Don’t worry, I also bought the unnecessary doughnut.
Learning to say no isn’t just about rejecting. It’s a decision between what truly matters and what doesn’t.
Can you do that?
Thinking about it, if you’re unable to say ‘no’ to others, it’s likely you’ll have difficulty standing your ground with the people closest to you. So you need to be able to say no.
What About The Guilt?
Setting boundaries with others is not an act of rejection. It’s about respecting yourself and your needs, rather than trying to please others.
It may feel uncomfortable or even guilty at first, but now you can remember that boundaries are necessary for your own well-being and growth and that it is not about pushing people away, it’s about honoring yourself.
But Will People Respect Your Boundaries?
The truth is, no. People won’t always respect your boundaries and we really, really, don’t set any boundaries by telling people what to do.
You need to keep showing them through your actions regardless of their actions.
You can’t expect others to respect your boundaries if you don’t respect them boundaries yourself.
Boundaries are as much about what you do as what you say, and this means you have to be consistent and firm in how you respond to situations that cross those boundaries.
