Self-harm comes in many forms and isn’t always obvious.
So, if you find out your child self-harms, it’s not always your fault for not knowing.
Teenagers who self-harm will hide their injuries from everyone. When parents find out their teen is hurting themselves, it’s a big shock. But trust me, teens will go to great lengths to keep it a secret. Believe me, I know this because I did it myself, and my parents never had a clue. And they still don’t.
The Key Takeaway.
By best advice? Look out for small signs, both physical and emotional, to catch it early.
Self-Harm? What Is That?
Self-harming is when someone hurts themselves on purpose without actually wanting to die. Cutting is the most common, but it can also be bruises, scratches, burns, pulling out hair or eyelashes, starvation, substance abuse and a billion other things.
Boys and girls both self-harm, and everyone tries to keep it a secret.
Signs Of Self-Harm You Need To Look Out For.
- Cuts, bruises, or burns, especially on wrists, arms, thighs, and chest.
- Wearing long sleeves and pants even when it’s hot.
- Not wanting to change clothes in front of others, like for PE.
- Missing or unexplained sharp objects like razor blades and pen knives.
- Signs of wound care like bandages or medical tape.
- Signs they’ve been pulling out their hair.
- Eating too much or too little.
- Working out way too much.
- Blood stains on clothes, towels, or bedding.
- A sudden interest in media about self-injury.
What If Your Child Is A Pro At Covering Their Tracks?
Look for emotional signs. Self-harm will always show up in subtle ways. You know how jovial and happy your child used to be but has become very grumpy, that’s an emotional sign.
Children always show those personality changes because indirectly (and they’ll never admit it but,) they want to be seen by you, they want you to come to their aid and those changes can be a signal to their parents about their inner struggles. Gently ask them what’s going on. But before you do, here are a few more signs:
- Sudden anger or crying easily.
- Pulling away from friends and family.
- No longer enjoying favorite activities.
- Dropping grades and skipping school.
- Harshly criticizing themselves.
- Refusing to join activities like swimming or dance that require less clothing.
Wait, Your Child Might Mean Well.
Even though they hide it, most teens who self-harm want to stop. They know it’s bad for them, but shame, fear of getting in trouble, and the quick relief it brings make them keep it secret.
Have honest conversations about it. Let them know you’re on their side. Trust me, if you approach this with anger, it would solve nothing.
Silence and shame might hide the signs, but always pay attention to what your teen’s struggles might be saying. They always leave traces.
What Should You Do?
So, you’ve noticed the signs. Now what? First, don’t freak out.
I know, easier said than done.
As a parent, it’s easy to feel lost or unsure about what to do next. But don’t worry.
Step 1: Learn More.
Learn about self-harm and teen mental health. The more you know, the better you’ll be at spotting the warning signs and having the hard conversations with them. Books, podcasts, and workshops can be super helpful.
I strongly suggest you read stories of teenagers who have self-harmed or are currently doing it. It really puts you in their shoes.
Step 2: Start the Hard Conversation.
You don’t need a formal speech. Casual, open-ended questions work best. Create a safe space for your child to share their thoughts. Instead of asking, “Why are you doing this?” try, “Can you help me understand how you’ve been feeling lately?” Try dropping the bombshell subtly. Listen without judging and let them know they’re not alone.
Step 3: Validate, Validate and Validate Their Feelings.
When they open up, don’t jump to conclusions or offer quick fixes. Just validate their feelings. Say things like, “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” This builds trust and allows more conversations.
Step 4: Stay Involved.
Even if your teen pushes you away, don’t back off. Keep checking in, attend their activities, and show interest in their world. It’s about staying connected so they know you’re always there for support. They want it, they just won’t admit it.
Step 5: Create a Safe Home.
Keep harmful objects out of reach and make sure your child feels emotionally safe. How? Let them know they don’t have to face their struggles alone and that you’ll be keeping harmful things away.
Step 6: Seek Professional Help.
You cannot do it alone. You are human, you cannot always get it right. Now is the time to get support. Self-harm and suicidal behaviors usually need professional help. A therapist can help your child figure out their emotions and provide coping tools. Don’t wait for things to get worse. Reach out to a school counselor, psychotherapist, or visit a mental health hospital for recommendations.
What Not to Do.
When you have the difficult talk, your reaction is very important. The way you respond WILL influence whether they’ll open up again. So:
- Stay calm. Panicking can make them feel unsafe.
- Avoid making them feel judged or criticized.
- Saying things like “It can’t be that bad” or “There’s no reason to get upset” can be very invalidating. Don’t do it.
They just need to feel heard and understood. So, show empathy and understanding and respond calmly and supportively.
From Me To You,
Be the parents who face tough topics head-on with love and understanding. It’s your job to make sure your children have the support they need, even when they say they’re “fine.”
And if you ever think your child is in immediate danger, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. It’s confidential, expert, and available 24/7.
