So… you’ve realized you’re the onion. You’re the one who caused the sting. Many of your partner’s tears came from your actions. Now, you’re wondering if you are truly growing, or just getting better at hiding the same old you.
What we don’t always know is that onions sting when you peel them and that’s just a part of the process. If it doesn’t hurt, it’s time to pause and reflect. But today, you won’t have to do it alone.
This is going to be very self reflective, so get ready to ask yourself some serious, honest questions.
Are You Just Making Excuses?
You say you’re “working on yourself,” but are you truly doing that or just hiding behind your childhood, your trauma, or a bad day? Let’s be real, those layers actually matter. They shaped you. But they don’t excuse you.
True healing is facing your ugly parts without making them look like “quirks.” It is asking yourself why you hurt others when you’re hurting and sitting in that discomfort until you find the real answer. STAY in it. What’s it going to be? Accountability? Another excuse?
Are You Apologizing or Actually Changing?
You’ve said sorry. Good. But what happens after the apology? Do you think about what made you act that way or do you slap a “my bad” on it and call it growth?
Nope! We do NOT do that here!
Healing isn’t about how well you say sorry, it’s about how you never have to say it for the same thing twice. Explain to yourself if your “sorry” is a bandage or a scope.
Are You Acting It?
Be honest. Are you healing for them or for you? Are you facing your issues because you’re ready to change, or just because you’re afraid to lose them?
If you don’t know, healing happens best when no one’s watching. When it’s just you and your ugliest layers, like selfishness, pride, and control. And you choose to work on yourself, even if no one ever claps for you. So, is your growth real? Is it just another act?
Does It Hurt?
Peeling yourself open hurts. You’ll want to quit. You’ll want to say, “Well, I’m not that bad.” But that layer, the one that stings the most, it is usually where the rot is. And if you stop peeling there, you carry that rot into every new relationship you touch. To me, the only difference between peeling and healing is what you do with the pain. Do you hide under it? Or do you push through it, even when it hurts, because you know the person on the other side of it is worth meeting?
Are You Still Defensive?
There’s a part in every onion that is softer, sweeter, and less guarded. But to reach it, you have to stop hiding.
So, are you still defensive, or are you finally learning to sit with your feelings before throwing them at someone else? Are you still cutting people off to protect yourself, or are you finally letting yourself be seen without the “protection?” Real healing is wgen you become less harmful.
So… Are You Peeling or Healing?
YOU can tell if you’re healing if:
- You stop needing to prove you’re changing. You just are.
- Your “sorry” comes with change, not just remain your comfort words.
- You dump the patterns you once called “just who I am.”
- You choose to be soft, even when defensiveness feels safer.
- You are really different when they’re gone.
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Healing is NEVER about proving you’re a better onion. It’s becoming less of a pain to people.
So, keep peeling for you. Remember, if it’s for them, it’s not your will.
The sweetest version of you is waiting underneath if you’re willing to face every layer it takes to reach them.
